Mom Shaming OR Unconscious Bias?

Hello friends!

Prior to being on parental leave I did a lot of reading and research about unconscious biases and its impacts on workplace culture in terms of diversity and more specifically about unconscious biases regarding women. In most of my reading it was apparent that essentially all people have some kind of unconscious bias. The difference really lies in people who take ownership in knowing they have those biases and using that knowledge to counteract using your biases to shape your actions and behaviours. How we actually act. Once you have a sense and awareness of what your unconscious biases are you can't call them "unconscious" anymore and you have the power to make change and potentially be aware enough to help others to change their behaviours as well.

Since I became a mom I've read about mom shaming and I've been mom shamed myself so I've been thinking about mom shaming actions in terms of being another in the realm of unconscious bias. For the most part I'd like to believe that mothers don't purposefully mom shame one another but that maybe they do it because they aren't aware they are doing it. I mean as a mum, knowing how freaking hard it is, you must know that other mums have challenges too and that not everyone is going to have the exact same journey -- right? This is life people.

Since getting pregnant I have been SUPER curious about everything to do with raising children. I love hearing different perspectives, stories, ideas, etc. from the mom tribe out there. As you may have read in my bio, hearing these stories are what inspired me to start this blog to give back to other moms. But as helpful as it is, is this what causes mom shaming? Do people telling their story somehow make others feel bad if they aren't adopting the same ideas. Is it the vulnerability of motherhood that makes mom shaming so prevalent? I mean every mom is a "new" mom at some point during their journey and there is a lot of unknown! You can always plan how you are going to parent but the truth is that not everything goes as planned and most of the time we are just figuring it all out as we go along.. Life is vulnerable, but parenthood is the ultimate in terms of vulnerability when making decisions for and about someone else.

So maybe it's the unconscious biases in us that are causing us to give off the "vibes" of mom shaming to others. Our intentions are good since we believe how we raise our own children is what is best for them, so are our natural biases coming out because we ultimately against others decisions? If we know this don't you think we can all give each other a little more grace to do what we think is best for our kiddos and families? Moms and dads are out there struggling with change and the pressure to raise our kids so can't we be a in this journey together and stop shaming each other for our choices? I mean there are plenty of non-parents out there who may shame us.. but with that crew we can definitely consider that their biases might be unconscious since they have NO idea what it's really like.. right?

So if you are out and about today and you see another parent why not tell them you admire what they are doing... lend them a wet wipe if they need one.. help them open a door to get that stroller though.. instead of watching from afar and potentially sending that parent shaming vibes from afar. You may NOT be shaming them but maybe your conscience is?

Have you been mom shamed? Do you think you've unintentionally mom shamed others? Would love to hear your thoughts!

xo

The #YGK Mom

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